I can hardly believe that it has been 2 years since my little angel was born. She was such a surprise and I am so grateful to God that she is in my life. She has this laugh that makes everyone smile; she is so cheerful and spirited. She has grown so much and come so far in just two years. A year ago today she was just playing with other kids and wanting to be around others and playing with blocks. Now she is so in love with babies and I can tell that she is going to make a great mommy someday. She rocks them, pats their back, puts them down for naps and feeds them all day every day, there is never a time that she leaves the house and doesn’t have a baby. She is learning so much and talking so well. She admires her older brother Kaleb and follows him around the house wanting to play. They do get along and he is a very good big brother to her.
This year the theme for her party was “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” and the reason I chose that was because she is always wanting a snack and eating everyone else’s food. I made her invitations, which was so much fun. I used all the food from the book, made cupcake ice cream cones and even miniature cherry pies! I made a caterpillar cupcake cake that turned out super cute. We did some arts and crafts and played the morning away.
I am so grateful for her and thankful every day. I pray that I will know her better and that the Lord will show me how to guide her in His way. I pray that she will have a passion for the Lord as the deer pants for the water (Psalm 42:1). May her heart be filled with Him!
After reading the book “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo my mind has been going to places I didn’t even think were possible and has given me a since of really desiring to be in Heaven with Jesus and living that way and meeting new people and seeing people who I used to know. Sometimes I wonder if I am making the right moves or doing enough to be able to get to meet God face to face. It should be so simple to be a Christian but sometimes it just isn’t because we complicate it.
I have seriously been tracing my steps and watching my every move to see if I am truly showing God’s light or just being another everyday Christian. I want to be different, I want to be set apart, and I desire God to be ever-present in my heart and future. My heart is aching to do the right things, to be grateful and thankful in all circumstances. It would be so easy to follow Him, why am I complicating this and making it so hard? My heart right now is in the verse in
Psalm 119:125 states “I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statues.”
I want discernment to know how to raise my children, how to be a respectful wife, how to be happy for others, how to study His word and learn all the things he desires for me. I am so grateful to serve such an understanding and forever Father. I am so grateful for His forgiveness.
Well, it took Addison forever to even grow hair, but after it started growing it kept coming in. She was a baldy until about 17 months and then her hair came in slowly but it was better than nothing. She didn't have much but she grew a lot right on the top of her head. It wasn't really getting longer just thicker. So we decided that we should get it trimmed up and looking a little better, because there wasn't any way to fix it.
I decided to take her in to the lady who I have used since I was about 3. Her name is Suzanne and she has always cut my hair. Addison was very well behaved while she got her hair cut. She really sat there like a little lady. She was very proud of herself when it was all over with. I was too; what a beautiful girl the Lord has given me take care of.
* The black eye came from running into a new entertainment center that we put in the play room, she ran right into it. Poor baby but she sure is tough.
Since my Dad passed, I have just had these feelings of loneliness and despair about how do we go on with our day to day life without him here? Although we were never really close, I feel as though there was so much left unsaid, more that I could have done and we were finally starting to have a relationship. To have that all taken away when you thought you had more time sucks! That is all I can say, it sucks!
It has really brought me to a horrible place of depression that I don't want to be in. I here songs and they make me think of him and how I always longed for his love. I see my kids growing up without Pa, my dad. I miss him just calling to check on the kids and just to talk because he never really got out. I will miss taking him treats and seeing him sitting on the bench outside our house every time we drove up and left. It is so lonely.
I will never hear his voice again. I will never get to hug his neck and tell him I love him. He won't get to see my kids grow up or me graduate college which he was so excited about. He wasn't here for Easter and he won't be here for Father's Day. How do you celebrate Father's Day without your own biological father?
I just want this hurt to go away, there is nothing I can do and no one who really understands. God truly comforted and gave me peace during the process, but what do I do now that everyone is gone and we are living and he isn't here? I just wish I had more time! I know that it was just his earthly body but I wonder every day, will I ever see him again?
Psalms 147:3
He heals the broken heartened, binding up their wounds
I know it will take time, but I just want this to be over. I know I will be sad but I don't need it to affect my family. I know God will help me overcome this, I just have to give it to him. This song has been on my heart and I am not quite sure why but it does give me hope.
It started on December 3 and he fought like a trooper until January 27 when my world just caved in all around me. Those two months were the longest months ever as my Dad has fought to live. I don't think I have ever seen him fight this hard and I am so proud of him!
When I was little we were close. He would always buy me gum at the store, he took me to go play at McDonalds while he drank a chocolate milkshake. We would go eat Chick-Fil-A at the mall on Saturdays as a family. He drove me to school every day and got me sprinkled donuts on the weekends. He took me to the football games every week. You walked me down the aisle on my wedding day and were there when my children were born.
I know through time we grew apart and I wish so much I could take back the things I said and did. Although I didn't see it then you were always trying to help me. I am so sorry dad for the things I said and did that weren't pleasing to you.
The hardest thing I have ever done was to watch you take your last breath. As you lay there not responsive I knew I would never get to hear your voice or talk to you again.
I will always remember how you said that you couldn't believe your daughter was going to graduate college and how you never thought you would get to see it. Well even though you won't be here I will graduate and you will be in my heart forever. I miss you very much and not a day goes by that I don't think about what could have been.
This year for New Years we went up to Dad and Mom's cabin in Ruidoso and spent the week. We all had a great time as we were snowed in for the whole time. The first night the electricity went out and thankfully we already had a fire going and so we played charades, even Dad played and we had a good time. It was super duper cold when we went to bed and of course in the middle of the night the electricity was up and running and just about all the lights in the house came on at about 2 in the morning.
We woke up to snow! Of course Kaleb couldn't wait to get out there and play in it! We had snowball fights and made snow angels. The best thing about the house is that there is a slope in front of the house and therefore we were able to go sledding, once we finally got sleds. Addison didn't know what the snow was, but she knew it tasted good and couldn't get enough!
After we were frost bitten we went inside and played the Wii, just dance and let me tell you that is a work out in and of itself. We all had a blast doing it! After we got tired of that the guys played 42 and the women played Mexican train. We all toasted to the new year and then went to bed. We had a fantastic time being snowed in with the family and hope to make that a tradition for years to come!
Oh Christmas, Oh Christmas how exhausting you are to me! This year was so crazy with my dad being the hospital and all we had soo many places to go. We started Christmas with my mom on Christmas Eve because that is the only time we can make the most of it. This year was a little different we had it at our house and it was kind of crazy. After everyone opened gifts Branden and I went up to the hospital to visit with my dad for a little while as he was getting better. That evening we went to a Candle Light Christmas Eve Service at our church which was amazing. My friend Tiffany sang the most beautiful song, we took communion together and just praised the Lord for Jesus. We had an amazing time!
Then we went to Branden's grandparents house which is a Christmas Eve tradition and we had the most wonderful Christmas Dinner with all his family. The kids got to open presents and then we played a game to get our presents. This was the first year we did this, and I have to say it went pretty well I don't think anyone got their feelings hurt and everyone had a good time. We sang happy birthday to Jesus and all went to wait for Santa to come.
Christmas morning was so fun! Santa had made a huge mess in Papa and Nana's game room and left soot everywhere and some presents just laying on the floor! Addison really enjoyed her car and kitchen and wasn't too interested in everything else because she had to open the present to find out what was inside. She opened the first couple of presents and got into it but after that I think she was tired of opening because she didn't open anymore presents the rest of the day. Kaleb on the other hand was in the opposite direction and wanted more presents to open, but he was very thankful for everything he got!
After Christmas morning we zoomed across town to my grandparents house and had Christmas with my family and ate lunch over there. This is the only time Kaleb and Addison had any kids their age to play with so we stayed as long as we could and they all played well together. Kaleb even shared his new toys with his cousin Lane and Addison and Hayden played dolls. It was so fun to see their little faces light up over the little things such as hand cuffs as you can tell!
Finally, we went to Branden's Mimi's house to finish off the day. Now you can see why I think it is so exhausting. We opened presents first of course and Addison got some really cute outfits and a pillow with her name on it that I just adore. Kaleb got his most favorite boots that he has been wanting forever that his best friend Canyon has and let me tell you it sent him over the moon! He got some other things too but those boots made his Christmas! We ate dinner and played games and even started a new tradition of family questionnaire that was really neat, in which case I tied with Branden's Aunt Sandra! YEAH!!!
By the time we got home the kids were exhausted and so were we and we all crashed and said HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!
Thank you Lord for sending your son so that we may live an everlasting life!
